(Notice to blog readers: Today I’m feeling experimental, so I’m telling a couple of humorous and true animal stories out of curiosity to see how they will be received. Grab your favorite drink, sit back and enjoy.)
Soooooo…….one time I’m coming home after dark. I park in the driveway, get out and am going to open the back door of my car for my stuff when I hear a strange noise from my left. It’s a cross between cackling and growling. I’m thinking, “Dog? Cat? Mutant rat?” but then I happen to look over to see where the noise is coming from.
And there it is. SKUNKZILLA! The biggest, baddest, meanest-looking skunk I’ve ever seen in suburbia. It’s about 12 feet away from me. (Normal effective range of North American skunk: 10 to 20 feet.) I yelped, “AAHHHH!” and backed away from it, nice and easy.
Now I’ve got a problem. I need my stuff from the car, plus I can’t get to my front door. I considered approaching my front door from the other side of where I live, but there’s a steep and rocky slope in my way. I’d rather not have a broken ankle, thank you.
I go to my neighbor’s house and ask them if I can call Animal Control. It’s after office hours and I get a recorded message which is no help at all. I peek out the front window of my neighbor’s house and Skunkzilla has gotten bored and is checking out my car. Oh, boy. Thankfully, Skunkzilla was not impressed by my wheels and decided to make himself scarce. Whew.
Another day, I’m in the house when I hear a thud from another part of the house. I thought it was the cats, so at first I didn’t pay much attention to it. Then, I noticed the two cats go by outside. (“Okay, if you guys are out there, then what’s making that….uh, oh.”)
In the living room, there is a squirrel looking at me. I think he got in through the fireplace chimney. I opened some doors and attempted to get him out. No deal. He’s having too much fun.
I really wanted him to go out through the garage door. I tried enthusiastic persuasion (“Look, squirrel! It’s a DOOR! And it’s OPEN!”), pleading (“Oh, come on! Will you give me a break here?”) and finally threats (“Get lost already, will ya? Geez!”). There was no help for it: time to call Animal Control again.
I got Animal Control and they sent two people. One was a uniformed officer carrying a big net: Net Woman. The other one was dressed in a suit and had a videocamera: Camera Woman. The three of us chased this squirrel who was determined to enjoy himself romping through the house.
I dubbed him Houdini because he had great moves and agility. We zigged right; he zagged left. We zigged left; he zagged right. If he’d been a human, he would have been thumbing his nose at us and snickering gleefully.
Camera Woman then had the brilliant idea of opening one particular window I hadn’t thought to open. Houdini saw his chance, leaped up on a chair and sailed out the open window.
And did I mention that outside that window, there is at least a 10-foot drop to the ground???!!!!
Houdini was gone. I thanked Net Woman and Camera Woman for their help, they left and I went outside to check on Houdini. Nimble Houdini survived the steep drop. He had scampered away and was nowhere to be seen.
It’s never boring in surburbia, that’s for sure. Not as long as we have animals like Skunkzilla and Houdini around.