Top 13 truths about Jane Austen novels

Bath

Roman baths at Bath, England. Image courtesy of hotblack, Morguefile.

It is a truth universally unacknowledged that Jane Austen novels share some unique characters and characteristics, whether her characters are in possession of a good fortune…or not. For your literary entertainment today, here are the top 13 characteristics of Jane Austen novels:

1) In the course of true love, heroines are inevitably drenched by rainstorms and get sick. (Come on…you could at least carry around a parasol!!!)

2) Child characters are mostly seen but not much heard. Unless they’re hiding under tables in libraries and arguing about geography.

3) None of the guys ever took fighting lessons from Gentleman Jackson, even though he was around to provide boxing lessons.

4) When in doubt of a loved one’s affection, go to Bath or London.

5) If you write it, miniseries will come.

6) Always tell your sister everything, unless you’re the quiet type.

7) Genial male characters come in three flavors: teasing, recently perished or street-smart.

8) Female characters come in four flavors: wise, foolish, overworked or overwrought.

9) If thou dost not make a miniseries, thou shalt write a zombie Jane Austen. (Been there…read that…ugh.)

10) Seaside piers cause people to fall off walls.

11) Always believe what the scoundrel tells you, until you learn differently.

12) Characters with a name beginning with “E” tend to get the everlasting happiness.

13) Most importantly…always pick love over money.

Video credit: ilikemovies1988, YouTube

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26 Comments

Filed under Writing

26 responses to “Top 13 truths about Jane Austen novels

  1. I’m still not a Jane Austen fan. Sorry, but I like your writing. Maybe we can make you into a mini series?

  2. 14. The father will either be long-suffering, dottering, or an imbecile. Hybrids are likely.
    15. Mothers shall be saints or shrews.

  3. P.S. Fun post. True fans speak truth.

  4. “Seaside piers cause people to fall off walls.” Oh, now that’s coffee snort up the nose funny. Astute observation.
    Have to confess, not an Austen fan. Kids then were generally not seen or heard and had to stay neat while invisible? (Obviously were better educated, though? But who would know except for their obsession with geography and Amazing Race topics?) Thanks for the morning giggles!

  5. I was an avid Janeyphile for many years and even took two courses at Georgetown on her books, plus read several biographies. She had a wicked sense of humor. Books are a must read. Video renditions a mixed bag.

    • Ever seen the “Lost in Austen” miniseries? It’s an interesting parody involving a time-traveling modern heroine who switches places with Elizabeth Bennet. Rather funny when Mr. Darcy gets a taste of modern London. (!)

  6. I’m still waiting for my child to start arguing about geography. So far no luck. He only argues about the comparative merits of different caliber Nerf guns.

  7. Some authors are just SO predictable! 😉

  8. Ha! This is brilliant! Particularly love the one about going to Bath or London when in doubt, and falling off piers 🙂
    Elinor

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