Is anyone else besides me supremely sick of the 2015 Ice Age we’re experiencing? Yes? Show of hands here? Yes, I thought so.
This winter has been unusually harsh for us in the DC metro area. Heck, most of the other states are jealous of Florida right now. Even Niagara Falls has frozen (yes, really). I’ve forgotten what an actual lawn looks like — I haven’t seen any in so long.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve shoveled enough snow to qualify for the polar scenes in “The Day After Tomorrow” movie. My vehicle’s been buried in snow at least 3 or 4 times and walking anywhere is life-threatening. I walked to my local library last week and did okay, apart from a picturesque SPLAT! on a hill near the library. (Too bad they didn’t get that on “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” It was worth an honorable mention at least.) I’m fine, thank you for asking.
Because our roads and yards are so caked with ice and snow, we have resorted to snowboarding for vehicle commuting. It’s not a big deal — just find yourself a big hill in Old Town Alexandria or Arlington, get out your snowboard, build up some speed and fly across the Potomac. Either that, or seek out a hill in Georgetown, near the National Cathedral.
There have been the occasional collisions with flights taking off from Reagan National Airport, but the pilots have been very understanding. The passengers have been highly entertained by waving to passing snowboarders as they sail through the air.
Some of the more enterprising souls have harnessed up their sled dogs to get to work, but they have a habit of cutting through the Metro tunnels and the Metro folks object to all the barking because of the echoes.
I have it in mind that after I win the lottery (oh, I wish), I’m going to build a retreat for bloggers that is located somewhere WARM and you, fellow bloggers, are invited there. I’m pondering several choices:
1) Hawaii: Luscious flowers, turquoise waters, sunsets, beaches and luaus. I’m thinking the island of Lanai. Larry Ellison of Oracle owns 98% of it but if we ask him nicely, maybe he’d spare two or three acres for a quiet retreat. I’m not fussy.
2) Gibraltar: Mediterranean views, warm temperatures and easy traveling to other points in the Middle East, Africa and Europe when somebody got the yen to travel. We could hollow out our own hotel inside The Rock. Getting to the upper stories might be tricky but you guys don’t mind a bit of mountain climbing, right? Just don’t look down.
3) New Orleans: Historic homes with lots of space, beignets for breakfast and zydeco music whenever you want it. (Laissez les bons temps rouler!) If we started soon, we could even be there for next year’s Mardi Gras. The singletons and couples get to go to Bourbon Street; the ones with kids can attend the nearby parades which aren’t quite so wicked as downtown. Everybody would be fitted with GPS trackers so that if we lost a blogger in the crowd, it would be easy to find you again.
4) Greece: Pick an island, any island. One big white building to house all of us and we can go swimming most days. Don’t forget your sunscreen — I’m told the Greek sunshine is VERY strong.
If you have prior commitments, we’ll build you a hologram or clone so you can be in two places at once. There will be hot and cold running bloggers and lots of Wi-Fi, natch, for everyone who needs their Internet fix (like me). For the people with dogs, cats or other animals, they’ll get their own luau and lots of space for running around. (Never let it be said that I’m not hospitable.)
Bloggers, you in? Or do you have any suggestions about where else we could build a retreat?
For anybody missing the sun, flowers or green grass today, here’s your fix, courtesy of Friedje Boeree on YouTube.